last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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