Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
