How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
