I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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