All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
