Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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