dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
