I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I am mentally ready for anal.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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