Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
