i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize