What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
