Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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