i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize