This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
