Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
