I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
