And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Come share oat with me in your robe
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
