yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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