He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
