Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
