I am in a vortex of obligation.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
