did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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