Please, let me fuck your mom
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
