She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We left the knife in your bed.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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