I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
