they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
