I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Enjoy the penises
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
