Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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