I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
