You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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