it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
dude i'm inner monologue high
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
