Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Green mimosas i think yes
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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