Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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