the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
