I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize