I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
