a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
