i don't like sucking hair
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
