So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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