Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
