ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
