Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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