Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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