No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize