Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
