I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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