Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
