This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
