I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
