Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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