it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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