would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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