I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
