if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
