We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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