I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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