Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
