They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
