franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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