The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
