Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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