um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
