I think I died a long time ago.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
