True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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