Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
